Gore vs. Bush

Supreme Court Strips Al Gore of Oscar; Declares George W. Bush Winner

Fresh off his Oscar victory last night for Best Documentary, Al Gore has been stripped of his title by the U.S. Supreme Court. George W. Bush was declared the new winner despite the fact that he had not received a single vote or even watched a movie in the last decade except for Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.

In the Court's opinion, new Chief Justice John Roberts wrote that he was proud to follow in the steps of his old boss and predecessor, the late William Rehnquist, who helped decide Bush v. Gore in 2000. "You've gotta love lifetime appointments," Roberts said. "We aren't even trying anymore!"

Insiders say a disappointed Gore has already begun regrowing his beard, although a spokesperson claims it is only so he can save energy on heat now that climate change has made the winter months colder and more unpredictable.

Meanwhile, jubilation abounded in Crawford, Texas, where George W. Bush was leisurely enjoying a few weeks off from his normal vacation spot in Camp David. "I didn't even know you could win an Oscar for pretending to be something in real life," Bush said. He also issued an executive order demanding that Martin Scorsese's long-awaited award for Best Director be given to Dick Cheney for his handling over the White House.

Plans to melt the statue down into gold coins bearing Bush's likeness were scrapped after Bush decided it had been involved in terrorist activities. The statue is expected to arrive in Guantanamo by tomorrow morning, where it will no longer be under the jurisdiction of Roberts and the Supreme Court.

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